So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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