how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
