Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
