why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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