I'm going to jail i love you
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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