im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
BRING THE BAGELS
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
