Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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