Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
