Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize