I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
