True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
