jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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