you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Randomize
