I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
