Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
