fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
