I want to make a zoo with you.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Randomize
