dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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