Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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