Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
