How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
