this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
