I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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