I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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