I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
