everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Randomize
