omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
the day after is always just damage control
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
