How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
