Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
