i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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