I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
