we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
