I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
