Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
nutella sex= disaster
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
