what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
This gyro tastes like lonliness
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
