So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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