Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
