I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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