i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
