Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
