I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
is it fun? or sober?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
