my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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