I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
