does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize