he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
