He kissed a someone with a penis
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
