I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
