I wish I only lived at night.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize