okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize