Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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