His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
