I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
she told me i tasted like america
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
