So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
