im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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