she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
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They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
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