the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
she pinky promised me she was 18
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
