If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
