I bet he comes in French.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
