i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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