what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
