I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
