She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
