youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
