So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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