Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
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