winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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