Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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