our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize