If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
