I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
All I want is dick and wine.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
