so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
