I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Go christen that room with your naked body.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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