My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
