i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize