I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
