my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
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